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Have you seen your local Democrats?

It is only a matter of time before they start appearing on milk cartons and "America's Most Wanted". Democrats, you see, have started disappearing around the country. It is a truth too strange for fiction, or even the X-Files. One might suspect that the Republicans had done something with them, except that would require Party unity.

You do not have to worry, though. No one has done anything to them. The Democrats have disappeared on their own. Taking a cue from Osama Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, and the Detroit Tigers, Democrats around the nation have simply fled to parts unknown. Or in the case of Texas, Democrats fled to parts of Oklahoma.

It is an odd campaign strategy, but apparently the Democrats feel that if they are not around, then no one can ask them tough questions or make them decide tough issues. It also may be that the French wing of the Democrat Party has taken over and implemented a surrender early and often strategy for 2004.

Take the Texas state Democrats, for example. Facing the complex choice between "yes" and "no" on the issue of redistricting, they packed up their bags and headed for a Holiday Inn in Oklahoma. Perhaps they had seen one too many "I slept in a Holiday Inn Express last night" commercials and decided that the path to true wisdom lies in cinnamon rolls and out of state hotels. Hey, it worked for Clinton, right?

To be honest, it is not like the Democrats have any issues on their side this campaign season. President Bush has liberated Afghanistan and Iraq. Allied casualties have been extremely low and our cheese eating surrender monkey allies have been shamed. On the domestic front, there have been no serious attacks since 9-11 and President Bush's first round of tax cuts ended the recession. His second round of tax cuts promise to increase growth and push unemployment back below six percent.

Democrats have reason to be hiding in fear: Bush is doing so well that even Democrat leaning states like New York, Minnesota, California and New Jersey are showing him leading the polls. If the Democrats cannot keep those states in 2004 then their candidate will rank alongside Walter Mondale as the biggest political loser in electoral history. The conditions leading up to 2004 are very similar to the ones facing the Democrats in 1984:

• 1984
• The sitting President was strong on national defense and a recession had been turned into expansion, though unemployment was still high.
• Democrats insisted that higher taxes were necessary.
• Democrats insisted that high deficits were going to ruin the country.
• Democrats tried to criticize President Reagan as focusing on the wrong priorities for defense.
• 2004
• The sitting President is strong on national defense and a recession has been turned into expansion, though unemployment is still high.
• Democrats insist that higher taxes are necessary.
• Democrats insist that high deficits are going to ruin the country.
• Democrats try to criticize President Bush for focusing on the wrong priorities for defense.

Seeing the above facts and measuring their own chances clearly drove the Democrats underground. Now if only they would stay there! Republicans in Texas searched high and low for their missing Democrat rivals, even contacting Federal officials to let them know that state Democrats were Missing In Action. (After all, there could have been foul play involved.) Unfortunately for Democrat voters the only thing foul was the behavior of their elected representatives. Can you imagine the campaign ads in Texas next year? All the Republicans have to do is show pictures of their rivals in Oklahoma, hiding from responsibility. After 2004 it will be easier to find a winning football team in Texas than it will be to find a winning Democrat.

I can almost feel sorry for the Democrats. But then I remember how much they resemble Osama Bin Laden, or Saddam Hussein, or the French.... Nationally, Republicans are faced with a dilemma. Do they encourage Democrats to return and risk continued obstructionism or do they take advantage of the absence of Democrats to halt the increasing size of government? From here it looks like a win-win situation. If the Democrats stay away their shirking of responsibility becomes an excellent campaign issue. Their absence can also be used to reduce the size of government spending. After all, people who do not show up to their jobs do not have to be paid. On the other hand, having them return to play obstructionist games with important legislation and appointments will also make great campaign issues.

You have to wonder who decided this would be a good thing for Democrats to do. I have not seen so many bad campaign decisions since Bob Dole ran the Republicans ever so slowly into the black hole of Clinton's spin machine. Then again Bob Dole's closest advisor was a liberal.

Republicans should hope that their good fortune continues. Democrats should perform some exorcisms on top party leaders, just in case. Failing that, they should try to arrange for long-term rates with Holiday Inn. No need to go broke while you lose elections, is there?

So keep an eye out for your local Democrats. And if you see one, be sure to call America's Most Wanted and let them know.

...Democrats around the nation have simply fled to parts unknown. Or in the case of Texas, to parts of Oklahoma.

8GB iPhone

Facing the complex choice between "yes" and "no" on the issue of redistricting, they packed up their bags and headed for a Holiday Inn in Oklahoma.

Bush is doing so well that even Democrat leaning states like New York, Minnesota, California and New Jersey are showing him leading the polls.

After 2004 it will be easier to find a winning football team in Texas than it will be to find a winning Democrat.