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There they go again.

I am talking about the lying weasels, of course. You know them: liberal Democrats who not only think the ends justify the means, but are proud of how far and wide their lies spread. Truth is the first casualty of their efforts and all it will take for their lies to spread like crabgrass is for good men to do nothing. To spot this nefarious brand of Democrat, just look for the warning signs: taking pride in failed government programs; speaking with respect about Bill Clinton's legacy; gushing about Hillary's prospects for the White House; predicting a Democrat takeover in Congress....

It has been established over and over again that liberals use propaganda to sway the masses. Books such as "Treason", "Reagan's War" and "Bias" document not only the lies, but the culture behind the lies. Liberals are simply on the losing side of history, so they lie about what they stand for, what their programs have done to America and—most often—their opponents.

Rest assured, I do not intend to sit by and let them get away with their propaganda campaign. I demonstrated in a previous column how badly liberals lie. Lying weasels are the worst kind of liberal: they take pride in their lies. Despite being exposed for what they are, the lying weasels march relentlessly on, spreading more lies than can be refuted in a reasonable amount of time—which is their plan, of course. By telling dozens of lies they hope that a few of them "stick", and that enough people believe them to be the truth to make a difference at the polls.

Summer is high season for pests, and the lying weasels are no exception. They are as unwelcome as a rabid rat at a dinner party, and twice as messy. The key is to spot them early and attack them where they are the weakest: truth and reality. I will provide a few examples to help you spot the lying weasels before they do any real damage. All it really takes is a firm grasp on reality and the capacity to reason! Liberals, of course, will have to have the following explained to them....

When a lying weasel says...	It really means this
President Bush lied about weapons of mass destruction.	Since we can't prove he lied about weapons of mass destruction, we will just claim he did and demand an immediate focus on the punishment for lying, hoping that no one notices we haven't proved our position.
President Bush needs to send U.S. troops into Liberia immediately.	We tried to portray President Bush as acting unilaterally with regard to Iraq and then tried to criticize him based on that characterization...so please don't notice that we are demanding he act unilaterally in Liberia!
President Bush has produced record deficits.	President Bush has not produced record deficits, but if we say it often enough most of you will think it is the truth.
The reason for weather event X is global warming.	We have been wrong with every model of Global Warming we have tried to slip past you, so now we are just going to claim that every weather event is the result of Global Warming.
Republicans are mean, nasty, greedy bigots	Actually that describes us, but we have said it often enough that most of you think it is true!
I'm a Republican who hates/will not vote for/feels betrayed by Bush.	Of course we are not Republicans, but we play them in chat rooms, on blogs and in Usenet newsgroups in an attempt to sway the undecided voter.
Bring the troops home from Iraq!	Please do not notice that all the troops Bill Clinton sent to the Balkans, which would be "home by Christmas", are still there after almost a decade.
It's about oil.	It's not about oil, but everyone hates the oil company, right?
Abortion is a right secured by the Constitution.	Man, how did we ever get that by the Supreme Court?! Can't they read? Good thing babies can't vote.
Gun ownership is not a right and is not secured by the Constitution.	Two for two! Hooray for Supreme Court Justices who can't read! Who would have thought that "shall not be infringed" could be so easily waved aside?
President Bush/cabinet member X/prominent Republican Y said/did/is "...."	They did not say or do that, but by the time you figure that out we will have produced a dozen more phony quotes. Remember "worst economy in fifty years" and "vast right wing conspiracy"? Classics! The icing on the cake is that the Republicans are so busy defending themselves no once pays any attention to the fact that we are lying our asses off.
How dare you accuse me of lying!	Please do not notice that I lied, and accept this fake outrage as a diversion away from that fact. Feel my pain!

As you can see, the lying weasels use the well-known technique of misdirection to fool their audiences—promote the lie with one hand while you hide any incriminating evidence with the other. If someone points to the hand hiding your deception, simply redirect them to the hand spreading lies with a good dose of feigned outrage at being caught in a lie. Now that you know what to look for, be on the lookout! Lying weasels tend to shy away from areas inhabited by intelligent, rational people so an easy way to get rid of them is to start asking for proof. Do not let them cite each other, or the liberal media! Ask for real proof.

The fact is there are plenty of lying weasels in the press. You see them every day pouring a 750 word dose of deception into national papers in New York, Washington and Los Angeles. Their lying weasel friends in the broadcast media then pick up these false allegations and repeat them as fact. Viewers are then polled to register the "public outrage" over the developments and the results of the poll are then reported as "news". The vicious circle continues every day and before the advent of the Internet and national talk radio shows the lying weasels pretty much got away with it.

Republicans, libertarians and conservatives have been too worried about their image to vigorously defend their innocence, so they appear guilty to those unaware of the manipulation by the lying weasels. This must stop. Whenever a lying weasel tries to rewrite history or smear you with lies, simply reply with the two words every lying weasel fears: "prove it".

And remember: liberals have to lie, reality refutes them every day. Do not let them get away with it!

Lying weasels are the worst kind of liberal: they take pride in their lies.

If someone points to the hand hiding your deception, simply redirect them to the hand spreading lies with a good dose of feigned outrage at being caught in a lie.

...before the advent of the Internet and national talk radio shows the lying weasels pretty much got away with it.

Whenever a lying weasel tries to rewrite history or smear you with lies, simply reply with the two words every lying weasel fears: prove it.